We made it, it being one year into marriage. We made it through some tough times. We lost some friends that honestly we thought were going to be “ride or dies.” It’s the natural rhythms of life it seems, as the Spirit moves and our sinful hearts pull things happen and it’s good.
So here are a few things that I have learned from our first year of marriage:
- I am a terrible God. So is Taylor. Grace has to abound in marriage for it to be healthy and happy. Yes, you can stay together and be miserable for the rest of the days… but I’m not all about that. Call me a hedonist, I’m good with it. Marriage without grace is like playing wack-a-mole with your spouses heart. Every time that you feel offended, they get smashed. It’s literally our Jekyll and Hyde hearts, with deep repercussions for the entire family and it starts with a heart that is tuned and nurtured to be it’s own God. If your spouse is your God, you will murder them on the cross and without Jesus, they just stay dead.
- Family worship is hard. I’ll admit and confess, I thought I had a plan for family worship. My plan sunk faster than the Cubs in October. Still working on it, still learning Taylor and how she worships best, still learning me… still learning. It’s apparent to me that learning each other continuously is key. If the Spirit is active, change is constant and you have to be willing to be quite and humble during the process.
- Taylor is my best friend and because she is my best friend, she is not my sounding board for everything. If you love your wife, you protect her heart violently. We as men need to be at war with our sin natures, daily. Every time that you sound off on your wife about struggles with other people, you are setting the stage in her heart for resentment that can last much longer than yours. You don’t however start blasting co-workers, ministry leaders and your friends if you are walking in grace, with the Spirit as your guide.
- If you aren’t visibly and audibly reliant on God, you can’t expect your wife to be.
My prayer is that this quick little list is just really a reminder of things that seem to fall in the cracks during the grind.